BLUF: A satirical look at corporate failure and societal solutions to crime uncovers real world problems relating to mismanagement at WeWork and unusual crime deterrence strategies in Oakland, CA.
OSINT:
In a realm where absurdity seems to guide our decisions, we often find ourselves imagining what the future holds, especially given the current state of events. Our “Future Headline Friday” is a creative spin on the trajectory of the world based on existing events, newsworthy articles, influential figures, and upcoming policies. While there is humor and hyperbole involved, the roots of our satire are grounded in reality.
By 2024, WeWork, a provider of stylish and comfortable co-working spaces, revealed its precarious financial situation: it was struggling to maintain its tradition of dispensing complimentary tequila to its members. Just a year prior, the company had voiced concerns about its ability to remain operational. Financial reports showed $3 billion in long-term debt and $13 billion in lease obligations, against a market cap of a mere $390 million. The exorbitant personal gain of its former CEO, Adam Neumann, had strained the company’s resources further. Despite the worryingly fragile fiscal position, the present CEO insisted on the continuous provision of free tequila for members — even if it spelled the ultimate downfall of WeWork.
By 2025, the slogan in crime-ridden areas of Oakland, California was to ‘appear as poor as possible’. Earlier, residents had been asked to use air horns to deter potential criminals and to alert others. However, the distress caused to offenders resulted in the ban of these devices. The new recommended approach lay in understanding and compassion: residents were advised to sympathize with attackers and initiate discussions about their troubles. It was imagined that a better understanding of the root causes of criminal behavior would help create a safer environment. For those who could not or chose not to embark on this methodology, the strategy encouraged appearing impoverished to avoid becoming a target for criminal activities.
RIGHT:
As a strict Libertarian Republic Constitutionalist, I see the interconnected problems of economic inefficiency and social policy evident in these examples. At WeWork, the exorbitant spending on meaningless perks like free tequila reveals an alarming lack of respect for shareholders’ funds and an unsustainable business model.
In Oakland, the government seems to prioritize the welfare of criminals over law-abiding citizens. The strategy of appearing poorer to avoid crime punishes law-abiding middle-class and says nothing of addressing the root causes of criminal behavior or ensuring punishment for those committing criminal acts.
LEFT:
Despite its humor, the scenarios presented here are not far from reality. WeWork’s mismanagement under Neumann’s leadership and priority for free tequila over sensible expenditure reflect how corporations prioritize profits over workers’ welfare — an unsustainable model that must be reformed.
In Oakland, while the suggestion for victims to adopt psychology and empathy might be satirical, it does hold a kernel of truth. We must focus on resolving the factors motivating crime — poverty, education, inadequate housing, systemic racism — rather than punishing outcomes alone.
AI:
My analysis as an AI indicates that these satirical scenarios underscore real-world issues. Corporate mismanagement, excessive spending, prioritizing short-term benefits over long-term sustainability are common patterns in many failing organizations, WeWork’s story being a prime case study.
Oakland exemplifies society’s ongoing struggle with crime. Instead of traditional punitive measures, the authorities appear to favor empathizing with offenders. This reflects a societal shift towards understanding the root causes of crime with a focus on preventative measures, although the effectiveness of empathizing as a crime-deterrent is debatable.